4.02.2009

Apr.2 2009

It's long time since last update...

I started to live in studio nearly one month ago, so online time is less than before.

Um...something that I haven't complained here before...Hope I don't annoy you.

In fact, my father is against me to be a doll sculptor. He think childen should be obedient to their parents, otherwise they are bad childen.
He said he hopes me fail as soon as possible so that I will give up and find a ordinary job.
Does it sound cruel?...

He said I am lack of conscience and dreams...because my choice to be a doll sculptor makes him painful. He looks down on these who earn money by their hands, such as workers, farmers, craftsmen, etc. He thinks I am a good-for-nothing, which makes him shame. To him, dreams are earning big money, living in a big house, driving expensive cars and having power.

He is always angry with me. He is unpleased with whatever I do unless to obey his wish.
He said he has the right to abuse me with dirty words because I don't earn big money in this family and so he did.

I really don't want to give up my dreams. I have the right to control my life, right? I can't bear him any more, so I moved to my studio which just beside my home and avoid to meet him. I don't want to be abused any more.

Then he wrote me a letter, ' ...if you were me, the daugher you spent a lot of time and money became such a poor relation, you would be painful, hate her and be angry with her, wouldn't you? You SHOULD understand me...'

Ah...Ah...I will never hate my kids. Maybe I can understand him. He is not the only one in China.
It's hard to change my father's mind and it's much harder to change this wonderful land...

...

Ah~I'm feeling better after typing so much.^^

今日はここでおわりましょう。
しっかりしてください。

11 comments:

katy said...

that is sad. i think he should be a good parent and be happy that you are happy. i think most parents wish their chidren happy first and money second. i think you are smart to do something you love and to move. i moved from my parents at 17 because my dad tried to control me too. i turned out good:)

Keka1 said...

At those moments is when I hate have a poor english...

I really understand you, Xu, because my family is like your father at this aspect... But lucky for me not my parents.

I ever dream to be a clasic philologist but they say to me that it isn't a good career because there isn't good jobs after...

But the life is an oportunity to live by ourself, and not to live the life who wants our parents. I think you have do it better moving to the studio and I want you to know that if you need me to speak, I will be there.


I hope you will be better tomorrow.


Good nights sweety ^^

Pd: I hope you understand me too. I know I'm harmful at English XD

Sonia said...

This has been hard to read, your father is cruel to you. Love means giving without asking anything in exchange so saying "I've given you my love so you must do what I wish" is blackmail.

Don't feel bad. Surely he thinks he's doing the best for you but he is the one who doesn't understand. Being an artist may not give a lot of money but gives a lot of happyness. But some parents (my mother is like that too) doesn't understand children may have dreams different than theirs.

You have taken the right choice, and time will show it to both of you. Be happy, and don't give up. Dreams are what make life as beautiful as it is.

(I'm sorry my English isn't very good either)

Murururu said...

The most important thing is to do what you want to do. I mean, if you can't even live your life like you want to, what's it worth living for then?

I argue often with my mother, she has some problems with my way of living too, and my father's a drink addict and I haven't seen him in many years now, so....

But this is your life, and you're to decide what to do with it, not your father. Be strong, maybe he'll understand you one day :)

Murururu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Murururu said...

P.S.

I think the dolls you sculpt are great, and your father has more than one thing to learn about being a good parent.

May said...

You are a very talented doll sculptor and you should carry on with your dreams and abilities to make them come true. Some people have dreams but no ability to make them come true BUT you have. You are very lucky in this sense in that you are living your life the way you want it. Be strong!!

DD-ANNE said...

Thank you for everyone.>w< TvT

I can be online in my stuido soon.
I will write more to you later.

Sincerely thank all of you.

Priscilla said...

If my kids are not happy, I'll blame myself. Other things don't matter as much.

DD-ANNE said...

katy,
yes, I think so too. My cousin said to my father happiness were more improtant than money and everyone has his own happiness.
Unluckily, to my father, money is happiness...I think it's brave of you to move from your parents at 17.>< I can't imagine how I can manage my life at that age. ^-^ I'm 25, old enough to live by myself... Hope me turn out good too.

Maria,
I understand.XD I haven't thought that most of you have this problems with your parents.I'd dreamed to be an archaeologist and other careers.My father likes none of them...so this time, I decide to decide by myself.^-^Thank you for your help. I didn't complained here before, because I thought maybe others would be sick of my complaining. It seems people like happy guys better.^^ But now, I know it's better to share feelings with others so that I will know I'm not lonely.XD

Sonia,
It's happy to hear you said I've take the right choice.>< In the past three years, I really cared of what my father thought. I tried doing sth make him happy. I hope he could change his attitude one day. I doubt if I hadn't realize that I was wrong. After moving to my studio, I decide to put less attention on his thoughts. I should to live for myself. ^^‘Dreams are what make life as beautiful as it is.’I like this sentence.XD

Murururu,
:) Thank you. I didn't know nearly everyone have similar problems with their parents...The reality is harsh...I will be strong.XD I agreed that my father need to learn something else...Although my mother said ignoring his words, he has a soft heart inside, I can't feel it. Sometimes he even doesn't realize how cruel his words is, not only to me, but also to others arround him. um...Will you miss your father sometimes?

May,
Thank you.^^It's hard to have a dream, but it's much more painful to have no dream to me.I'm not sure if I can make them come true at the end, but I will not regret after I do my best. Welcome to share my dreams and to see if it comes ture at last.XD

Asaka,
Your kids will be happy.^^ On the opposite, my father will blame me if he is not happy. T.T...There is a large gap between I and him...

Murururu said...

Do I miss my father: yes. Alcohol and tobacco have ruined his life completely, but he was a really great person, and very talented. It's really sad what alcohol & tobacco can do to a person.

But yes, I miss and worry about him all the time, no matter what kind of a person he now is :)